There is only so much stress a person can take on before tears begin to flow and frustration takes over. When setting out to follow our dream of becoming self sufficient I never thought it would be so hard. I have learned the hard way that renting was the worst thing to do and that four years ago when I had the chance I should have purchased a home just to have that equity and then maybe I wouldn't be sitting here today frustrated with the fact that I have no way to purchase a farm without a co-signer because even though I have a great income it's government funded and private lenders don't like that. So even though I am trying to become self sufficient and start a small market garden to begin our goals, right at this current moment I am frustrated enough that I want to just sell all our belongings and give up.
I mean sure, I know I am not going to give up because if I was going to I would have done it back in 2014 when I was renting and then was told they where selling and we had to move so we left all our crops and lost out on four thousand dollars worth of plants. It is amazing how we traveled two and a half hours and spent $10,000 just to end up in another rental disaster though. I was really sure this was the right place to rent in the beginning and then not even six months in right after we got our ground worked for a garden we were told they had an offer on the property and although they declined if they got a better offer they would sell! Talk about frustrating, I didn't know whether to put our crops in the ground or forget it all. Mind you we put our crops in and then got hit by frost and lost thousands of tomato plants and corn..maybe it was a sign that I should have quit, but no I planted more plants and spent time out in the garden but the weeds were just to much to keep up with and the deer....oh those beautiful deer..what a pain in the butt! All my brussel sprouts and kohl-rahbi disappeared not to mention my squash, although I do have to give credit to that lovely ground hog family also as they helped eat my squash patch..I saw them!
So now sitting here in a house that in all honesty if it was mine would be torn to the ground, I try to hold everything together planting seedlings, figuring out the best place for my garden and saving every cent I can while hoping for a miracle. I know that I only have one more month to find something or we will have to just rough it out for the season in order not to fail again. I had hoped to get a few cows this year but obviously that's going to have to wait another year as I really don't want to put the money into fencing. I still hope every second that something will work out but whether it does or not we still are going to wake up every morning feed animals, plant seeds, make bread and dream. I have to say though, if you have a chance to own a property even if it's smaller then you wish for snatch it up...start small and own because renting is never permanent and can become extremely costly.
Becoming self sufficient is not as easy as it seems, sure books and online blogs can make it seem simple but it takes a lot of work, can be super stressful at times and although you feel your going at it alone there is always another self sufficient family out there somewhere sharing their mistakes and learning experiences.
Thanks for listening...back to planting and planning I go!